This Year Should Be A Real Dutch Treat
Sydney Morning Herald
Monday January 23, 2006
MAD MONDAY IT'S that time again, as it seems to be every week, and this time that time refers to the battle that pits many great sporting men and women against each other for the right to hold one cherished title for 12 months - yes, it's the Australian of the Year contest. Only four of the past seven winners have been athletes, and selectors erred catastrophically a year ago by looking to other, less interesting fields for their winner. As this column has thundered before, the awarding of the blue ribbon to a doctor precipitated one of the worst years in the history of a once proud nation-cum-sporting backwater. The message that decision sent led to Australia losing the Ashes, the Wallabies losing everything, the Kangaroos hitting the international rugby league bullbar, the Australian Davis Cup team suffering one of tennis's worst bundlings-out, and probably other debacles that eroded the national spirit. Despite worrying rumours that first prize this Australia Day might go to Tim Costello - a man last known to have a batting average wallowing in the low teens - here is our shortlist and recommendation. We beseech officials in the Australian of the Year/Logies office to do what they know is right: return the award to its natural domain in the hands of a sports figure, and score this country an important victory - for commonsense!
DAMIR DOKIC A left-field selection, but with his crazy comments and bizarre thoughts, would be sure to keep the award in the headlines throughout the year, not just the first few days as usually happens.FOR: Sired one of this country's best women tennis players.AGAINST: Might be the first Australian of the Year to bomb Australia.LLEYTON HEWITT Hasn't won much lately but sure to stay prominent for tennis deeds and by selling stories to women's magazines.FOR: Has called only a few people bad names in the past year.AGAINST: Could call Prime Minister a spastic upon receiving award.SHANE WARNE It's been a big past year for Warne, with many deriding wife Simone for letting a good man go in light of his record 96 Test wickets in 2005. Has already grown used to other titles such as Sheik of Tweak, King of Spin, Earl of Twirl, and Sultan of the Straight One.FOR: Has represented Australia with distinction on the international stage on many occasions.AGAINST: Might perform lewd act at official ceremony.MAKYBE DIVA A stand-out selection, having won the nation's hearts with her own enormous ticker by winning third straight Melbourne Cup. Include in multiples.FOR: Would revive the nation on a wave of sentimental fervour about the romance of the turf. And about gambling.AGAINST: Brought nation to a standstill on three occasions.GUUS HIDDINK He may not yet have brought the World Cup to Australia, but he has brought Australia to the World Cup. So he might be Dutch, but so were Dirk Hartog and Abel Tasman. Those two earned special places in the country's folklore, and Hiddink has visited here just as often as they did.FOR: Has learned national anthem. Or bits of it anyway.AGAINST: Is not as Australian as some other entrants.PAUL ROOS Altered years of Victorian failure by taking AFL premiership cup away from Adelaide and Brisbane and securing it appropriately for Australia's biggest city.FOR: Is probably loathed in Melbourne.AGAINST: Might also be Dutch.Once again it's a hot field, but there can only be one Australian of the Year and our form study strongly suggests it should be none other than the Golden Guus - Mr Hiddink! But include Makybe Diva in your quinellas.Warning, warningReports out of Belgrade say Damir Dokic has moved into a hollowed-out mountain, has bought a white cat to sit in his lap and is plotting the destruction of the world. Our martini-sipping spies tell us the two-time grand slam evictee has apparently boasted to unidentified alleged war criminal pals that he has nuclear capabilities and seems not afraid to use them. He also wants to kidnap daughter Jelena and take her from the clutches of boyfriend Tin "Bickie Tin" Bikic.BREAKING NEWS ... Eddie Jones signed as Reds coach after next Super 14 ... Michael Hagan signs to coach Eels in 2007... Penrith in 2009 ... Canberra in 2012 ...
© 2006 Sydney Morning Herald